


Loving You and Loving Me

by TimelessWriting



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Falling In Love, Haruna is put up on a pedestal in this fic ngl, Hun, Insecurity, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mihashi keeps calling him amazing and I'm like, Self Confidence Issues, Temporarily Unrequited Love, calm down, only because Haruna doesn't know he exists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6103189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimelessWriting/pseuds/TimelessWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say you can't love someone until you love yourself first. Bullshit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loving You and Loving Me

**Author's Note:**

> Insp.
> 
> Forgive me if the formatting is a bit weird. AO3 was being cruel and not formatting it properly so I had to go through and fix the html myself...
> 
> I'm honestly really surprised that this turned out to be more than 1k like wow I haven't written this many words for a oneshot in a while. I was feeling really inspired today though so I guess this is the result of that, and likely my recent HaruMiha discussions with Nie and Zetsu. So thanks to them.
> 
> Anyways I hope everyone enjoys this! I haven't really written anything for my favorite ship so I'm glad that the first thing I've really worked on turned out like this. I'm actually not disappointed that it didn't turn out like my vision this time. At least, not too much.

_**“You can’t love someone until you love yourself first.”**_

He remembers clearly the struggle to live with himself during middle school, the struggle to not let his teammates bullying get to him. Could it even be called that? More than injuring or calling him names, it was them ignoring him that got to him, cut him deeper than words or a broken arm ever could.

It left him worrying over his validity–did he really deserve to be here? Did he really deserve to pitch? Maybe he should just put down his glove and let Shuu-chan take over the mound. That's what everyone wanted after all. He was nothing. To them, he might as well not exist if not for the fact that he was the one on the mound ruining all their games.

They did not love him, not like how they loved Shuu-chan. They didn't like him. They didn't _love_ him.

How could he expect them to love him. After all, even he couldn't bring himself to love himself.

_**“Bullshit.”**_

He remembers his mom taking him to a baseball game in middle school right before the end of baseball season. It was the weekend and one of the few times she had a decent amount of time to spend with him, and although she couldn't afford tickets to a professional game, she wanted to do something he loved.

He protested, insisting that she should do something she wanted on her time off, but he never got very far before she shushed him and insisted that this was something she wanted to do. And so they ended up at a high school in the next prefecture over, watching their last game of the season.

Mihashi would be lying if he said it hadn't captivated him and left him in awe. A first year pitcher had stepped up onto the mound to take the place of their starting one, and left Mihashi gaping at the how fast his pitches managed to go. His body moved with such fluidity... the evident ripple of muscles across his back as he pitched leaving Mihashi with a hitch in his breath and his chest tight.

For the rest of the game he was on the edge of his seat, leaning forward to try and do something, _anything_ to get a better view of whoever number one was, whoever the _ace_ was.

 _Haruna Motoki_ , announced the announcer, giving praise to what he called the first year prodigy and one of the best players of current high school baseball.

_**“I have never loved myself.”**_

When he questioned his mother about the strange feeling in his chest; why he couldn't get that pitcher out of his head; or why he seemed to struggle to breathe so much when he thought of them, she merely laughed.

At first he was hurt, because here he was _trusting_ her with his worries and she dares to laugh at him? He may be worthless, but he still hung on to the sliver of pride he still had left. But then she explained.

She explained what it felt like to fall in love with someone, what it meant to love someone on first sight, to _know_ that that's someone who you want to love, to spend your life with. How it feels kind of funny, but is the best feeling you'll ever feel. How the only struggle is to see those feelings reciprocated. That you could both be in love together immediately, or you could have your heart crushed a million times over by a million different people you loved with all your heart. But that he doesn't need to worry, because as long as he can pick those pieces back up, he will _find_ someone. They may not be perfect, nor may they feel the same right away, but he would eventually find someone to be happy together with.

And as Mihashi listened to his mother's words, he felt a seed of hope begin to sprout within his heart. Because maybe, just maybe, he would be able to meet Haruna again and they could be happy together. Even if he _knew_ he didn't deserve such an amazing person. Even if he knew that someone as incredibly talented as Haruna could never love someone as hopeless as he was. He stilled hoped from somewhere deep inside of him, that tiny piece of him that wasn't crushed by unbearable amounts of pessimism and self hatred. It was small, and it was weak, but it was there.

Haruna doesn't deserve someone like him, but Mihashi couldn't stop the intrusive thought of, _“But what if...”_

_**“But you, oh god. I loved you so much.”**_

When he got into high school and heard what could only be described as Abe's Haruna Horror Stories, he couldn't believe his ears. There was no way. There was no way those could possibly be true. Someone as amazing as Haruna could never be so mean. It was impossible.

But maybe it wasn't. The more he heard Abe tell stories, the more that sliver of _“But what if...”_ began to be replaced with _“What if he is...”_ and it scared him. He didn't want to think his idol, his crush since middle school could possibly be cruel. It was simply impossible. Right? He wasn't so sure anymore.

When they sat around together and talked about crushes, he kept his a secret, knowing how Abe would react to hearing that. He didn't want Abe to hate him. Abe was actually giving him signs. He didn't want to lose that.

(What he didn't want to admit to himself was that he also didn't want to hear anymore stories that would plant doubt in his mind. He was afraid, so afraid of using that piece of hope that had kept him going up until now.)

Any worry he had previously had over Haruna's attitude (although it had slightly dissipated with their bathroom run in) and Abe's reaction to said pitcher soon faded with the arrival of the Musashino vs ARC game during the Saitama Summer Tournament. He finally got the chance to talk to the person whose back he had been chasing for so long, Abe trailing behind him.

The moment Haruna began to express genuine _worry_ over him, he felt like he could melt from the amount of worry he was letting go. Haruna was a good person, not the asshole of Abe's stories. Of course he was. How could Mihashi ever doubted that? People could change, even if he had been unintentionally cruel to Abe during middle school.

And with that realization, his crush came back full force and then some. The boy of his dreams was trailing his hands all over Mihashi's back and arms, and he could barely breathe. It was all he could do to breathe out a stuttered confirmation to Haruna's question. This was more than he could ever ask for, just to be in such close proximity to such a person.

From the pounding of his heart, Mihashi finally could say that he knew without anyone else telling him, he truly and unconditionally loved the boy that was Haruna Motoki.

_**“I forgot what hating myself felt like.”**_

“I like you! Please go out with me!”

Mihashi stared in shock at the scene in front of him. In front of the school, with everyone giving them odd looks, Haruna Motoki stood bowing to him at what could only be described as a ninety degree angle.

His grip on his bag loosened, and he felt like all the air had been knocked out of him. What was happening? What was going on? He had to be hallucinating, right? There was no way that after three years of harboring this... _crush_ , that it would finally be reciprocated. He should probably just continue walking and lay down when he got home. He was clearly sick.

“Mihashi?” Tajima inquired worriedly, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. “Are you ok? Haruna is waiting for you to say something...”

And so he was. The person he had thought was of his dreams was still bent over, only glancing up at him through the hair that hung in front of his face. What was he supposed to say though? Sure, he had naïvely imagined a situation like this a million times, but he had never prepared for it to become a reality. Not that any simulation could ever prepare for the rush of shock, relief, pure _joy._

“Y-yes!” Was all he could manage to choke out with his body shaking as bad as it was. He felt like he could just collapse from the pure happiness he felt right now.

“Yes!” He repeated, simultaneously covering his face in happy embarrassment and wiping away the tears of joy springing up in the corner of his eyes. And so he didn't see, only felt when Haruna crushed him in a bear hug, swinging him around in a circle before putting him back down. He still didn't let go though, instead hunching over slightly to continue to hug Mihashi.

The two of them were laughing, loud, rambunctious, relieved laughs that filled the air around them. It didn't matter what others thought of it though. To them, the only ones in the world right now were each other.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you so much,” Haruna breathed out between laughs, squeezing him even tighter. “You don't know how much this means to me.”

Mihashi squeezed back, not saying anything in return but the smile on his face spoke for him more than enough. Haruna continued to ramble about how happy he was, how he was so lucky to be able to have Mihashi say yes, and Mihashi could only bring himself to wonder how he ever thought that he was too worthless that he would never even get a chance to be with Haruna.


End file.
